I want someone in my life who completely understands me. They knew how I was feeling and stuff. I get mad because no one understands me, but truth is, it’s my fault. I don’t tell anyone anything so how can they know. How can they understand if I don’t allow them. Blame my trust issues I really can’t trust anyone. Maybe that’s my problem. Building a huge wall and blocking people out when I should make a bridge and let people in. It’s hard though. My wall has gotten so big it’s like the great wall of china. It’s gonna be a while before it breaks down or someone truly amazing will come and break it down with me.

No one knows how I like observing people’s actions. How I love to figure things out. Investigating situations and helping people out. I love it when I understand how someone’s feeling. Best feeling ever when I’m right.

Virgin lips probably makes him dislike me even more.

Thanks Jacob. Only one who listens but I feel bad. He shouldn’t be listening to my problems.

Fucking fine. I’ll just act happy.

I’m gonna reach my breaking point soon.

Christine’s party started off awkward. None of the guys ever dance. Not like I’d dance with any of them anyway… It felt like Scott wanted me to do something but I didn’t. LOL well.. He had to take a pic of me when he was touching my ass. Awk. Oh well. YOLO. I’m a terrible person… Anyways. It was boring and I have no friends and yeah. I talked shit about people.. I’m fake. And fat. And ugly. And I sweat too much. I’m so tired of life. I get to see Ryan the whole night and every time I see him it just reminds me how I’ll never be with him. He’s with Jackie, it’s not even going good and it doesn’t matter cause me and him would NEVER EVER HAPPEN. 😭 I’m also still depressed. I think Emily nick and Isabella heard me say that to Sayed.. So I started laughing and said I was kidding. Fml. And then kevins like did you kiss Vince quietly and Andrew storr goes NO SHE NEVER HAD HER FIRST KISS SHE TOLD EVERYONE. I know that and I said yeah it’s true. Cara defended me. Thank the fucking lord for her cause she’s amazing. It’s hard to have a hard night and other shit piling up. I also told Ryan about the porn thing HAHHAAH. He’s just so perfect.. And I told Jacob about depression. How I had or have it. Idk. People do care. It may not seem like it but they do. Kevin Sanchez and drew saw me about to cry. we were sitting And Kevin’s like why are you smiling! And I’m like cause I’m about to cry haha.. And I walked down stairs. Only to see all couples and stuff. I go back up and idk. They had to leave and Kevin kept asking if I was okay. They’re so nice. I love them. Sigh.. Jessica and Patrick/: I wish.. Life sucks. I wanna cry. Roxy Christine and Amanda were crying cause Christine’s going to vietnam and Amanda’s moving /: idk anymore. I teared up in the corner. I shoudlve talked to nick more and not focus on Ryan who won’t even focus on me. He flirts with me as a joke like cause he’s comfortable. Ugh.

PLEASEEEEE LET ME GET INTO FASHION MARKETING D; I should be grateful for everything I have, which I am, but I really wanted this/: I’m gonna see if I could email them or something… Just please let a miracle happen and let me in the class D: also, thanks for the 2/3 lucky life time thingies you gave to my mom!